The Perfect Sandwich

Roast Chicken, Mayo, Sriachia sauce, Lettuce

Today I want to establish what makes the perfect sandwich. 

I think we all been there, bought, made or being given a terrible sandwich. It is a massive market out there, I mean the easiest way to grab some lunch is a sandwich, right? 

If you grab it in the canteen, high street super market or from a small independent sandwich shop there are a few things that I look for, on my quest for a decent sandwich.

Here is my list of worst offenders and things that totally bug me:

-Hard butter in the middle

-Ripped sandwich

-Filling only in the center

-Dry edges

-Soggy sandwich

-Falling apart

-Wilted lettuce

-Self bake baguettes that aren’t fully done

-No exiting fillings

-Overpriced

-Too much of one thing, not enough of the other

I am sure I forgot about a few things but those are the essentials I always look out for, when buying a sandwich and I believe everyone has had one of those in their life.

Now what makes a good sandwich? Again, I have a list:

-Good bread

Always spread the filling out evenly

-Spreadable butter/margarine

-Moist but not soggy

-Fresh lettuce with a crunch

-Thinking “outside the box” fillings

-Fresh herbs

-Putting enough of the main ingredient in

-Fresh ingredients
-Filling spread evenly across the sandwich
-Packed with stuff but not landing on your lap

Let’s go a bit more into detail to the above list. Good bread doesn’t have to be pricey, I buy ‘specially selected’ seeded batch bread or the white bloomer from Aldi, I like it better than just normal bread, it is 20% cheaper than an inferior loaf from a high street super market and depending on the slices you get 8-9 quality sandwiches out of it.

I have a butter dish, yes I am outing myself, I like salted butter, not margarine. I leave it out but in winter it is still hard to spread it evenly so I am using cream cheese instead or if nothing at hand a thin layer of mayonnaise. This helps to keep the slices moist without adding too much, nobody likes a soggy sandwich.

Fresh ingredients are totally pimping your sandwich. Be it basil in tomato and mozzarella or maybe coriander in a cheese and chutney sarnie. I always prefer iceberg lettuce to regular as it just has more crunch and makes it all taste fresher. 

Now to the ingredients, I mean to keep the ingredients properly stored in your fridge. Pack the ham, cheese etc  into a tupper ware and store it. I went to a friends house and as men are, he just shoved it open in his fridge. The result was dried up ham slices, eeeeewwwww. He didn’t eat them but threw them away and that goes against my grain, I absolutely hate waste. Same with the dried out cheese corners, but thankfully most blocks you buy from the shelf nowadays have a ziplock on them, so only deli counter stuff needs to be thought about.

Then there are the “out of the box sandwich fillings” and to get some inspiration please look at my article on "Never buy lunch again, make it yourself with these great ideas" as I have already made a list with things that I hope you might like.

I also hate when it says salmon and cream cheese bagel and you have only one lonely, super thin slice of it in the bagel. I mean you pay more money for that shit and get royally ripped off. I expect at least two, otherwise I would suggest to advertise as cream cheese bagel with a hint of smoked salmon. This is just another reason to get sandwiching yourself and make delightful stuff.

So I wish you happy sandwiching and may your taste buds have a good ol’ party in your mouth!

I am leaving you with my favourite sandwich joke today, a good reminder to add some life, to your trusted sandwiches.

Three construction workers (an Italian, a Mexican, and a Redneck) were sitting on a steel beam at the top of a skyscraper. It was lunchtime and the Italian worker opens his lunch box to see that he has spaghetti and meatballs.
"Son of a bitch", he says, "spaghetti and meatballs again. Everyday it's spaghetti and meatballs. I swear if I get spaghetti and meatballs again tomorrow I'm going to commit suicide by jumping off this building".

The Mexican worker opens up his lunch box and sees a burrito. "Damn it", he says, "another damn burrito, I'm so tired of burritos, If I have to eat a burrito again tomorrow I'm going to jump off of this building and commit suicide".

The Redneck worker opens his lunch box and sees a bologna sandwich. "Shit!!!, another damn bologna sandwich. If I get another bologna sandwich tomorrow, I'm going to commit suicide".

The next day during lunch hour, they are sitting on the same steel beam. The Italian worker opens his lunch box and finds spaghetti and meatballs. Without saying a word he closes the box and throws himself off of the beam and drops twenty floors to his death. The Mexican worker opens his box, finds a burrito, closes the box and jumps. The Redneck worker opens his box and finds a bologna sandwich, closes the box and jumps aswell.

A couple of days later the families of all three workers meet at the cemetery just after the funerals. 

The Italian worker's wife was crying.

"Oh, if only I had known how he felt about the spaghetti and meatballs, I could have fixed him a muffalotta, and he would still be here today.

The Mexican worker's wife said "I could have fixed my husband a taco or an enchilada, and he would be here with me today".

There was a moment of silence while everybody was waiting for the Redneck worker's wife to comment.

"Don't look at me", she said, "He fixes his own lunch".